The maid of honor just puked.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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