i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
