I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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