capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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