so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
