What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Damn victory sex feels great
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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