maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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