Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
