Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize