That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
