I accidentally had phone sex last night
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
