But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize