nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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