there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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