She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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