No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
