I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
