recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
