I'm going to jail i love you
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
