Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
