I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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