I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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