I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
