Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
