woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
