I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
