Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
