Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
