There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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