he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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