I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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