I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
