hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize