he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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