dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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