Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
