I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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