Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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