went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
