I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
