also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
