So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
