I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
