dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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