I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
