how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
