I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
not ubering you a puppy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
