yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
