i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
