This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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