I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
