Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
