Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
