brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
