boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
