I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
