I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
