you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize