If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
