He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
