Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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