that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize