Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
These tits shall not be calmed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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