I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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