I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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