fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
