so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
