i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize